Five Conversations to Have Now About Your Teen’s Social Media

A mom I know once told me her daughter had been talking online to someone she thought was a teen—only to find out it wasn’t. Another time, I found out kids at my son’s middle school were sneaking around school filters with USB drives. The danger isn’t “somewhere out there.” It’s in our homes, in our kids’ pockets, and glowing on their nightstands.

We grew up before smartphones. Our kids may know how to use the apps, but they don’t always see the risks or think about the long-term effects of what they post. That’s why these aren’t “big talks” you have once. They’re short, honest conversations you keep coming back to. Here are five to start.

1) Extra Accounts: Privacy or Secrecy?

Goal: Understand, don’t spy.

Lots of teens have more than one account—one for family, one for close friends, maybe a public one for sports or college, and another just for fun. That can be fine. The problem is when an account is used to hide big parts of life from you.

You could say:

“I’ve heard some kids have different accounts for different groups. Have you noticed any of your friends doing that? What do you think about it?”

Then listen. Ask who follows each account and if they’ve seen a “private” account cause drama or harm.

2) What You Post Sticks Around

Goal: Show them the idea, not just tell them.

Saying “colleges will see this” doesn’t hit home anymore. Instead, tell a story: someone loses out on a job because of old posts—even ones their friends tagged them in. Then, look up your own name online. If they’re okay with it, look up theirs together. Ask what surprises them.

3) Spotting Trouble in Direct Messages

Goal: Help them notice warning signs before they’re in trouble.

Online predators can act like friends. They’re patient, kind at first, and may talk like other teens. Teach your child to watch for:

• Too much praise too soon (“You’re the only one who understands me”)

• Telling them to keep secrets from you

• Asking to switch to a different app

• Questions about where they are or their schedule

• Offers of gifts or money for pictures or favors

  
  

Make a family code word they can text you if they feel unsafe—no questions, just help.

4) Social Media and Feeling “Less Than”

Goal: Protect mental health in the “likes” economy.

Even though kids know posts are curated, they still compare themselves. Watch for signs: feeling worse after scrolling, avoiding things because they “don’t look good on Instagram,” or anxiety when the phone isn’t nearby.

Practical steps:

• Unfollow accounts that make them feel bad

• Follow accounts that inspire them

• Save kind messages for rough days

• Use quick grounding tricks like noticing 5 things they see, 4 things they feel, 3 things they hear, 2 things they smell, 1 thing they taste

  
  

5) Setting Rules Together

Goal: Make boundaries they’ll actually follow.

Instead of laying down rules, make an agreement together. Ideas:

• No phones in bedrooms at night (parents too)

• Family meals are device-free

• Share location when out

• Clear, fair consequences if rules are broken

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Write it down, sign it, and check in on it once a month. The point isn’t the paper—it’s building trust.

Don’t Try to Cover It All at Once

Spread these talks over time. Start with the easier topics, then get into the harder ones. Even if they roll their eyes, you’ll know it’s working if they keep talking—and if they know you’re the one to come to when something doesn’t feel right.